Perspectives Callie Torres
by Emer Torres-Hahn
Summary: This is a Callie/Erica story from Callie's perspective...I don't know if I want to go beyond the end of season 4, unless there is just an overwhelming response from readers for my own insight into where I would take this couple...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: once again I say, no characters are mine. This is part of the perspective's series, but it's from Callie's point of view, Enjoy!

I'm so tired, and this is just so, not a good day for tired. Most days I enjoy the feeling of sore muscles because it means I've saved lives, and limbs, and someone's loved one is in better shape because they had me as their doctor. Sure, I'd…well, we'd saved the day again; Hahn, Sloan, and Torres—the dream team. But things should have been smoother. They should have been "first cup of coffee in the morning" smooth. "Jazz in the square" smooth…ahhh…whatever, I'm just so tired.

I pull off my scrub cap, and just stare at Sloan. He hasn't moved a muscle, or spoken a word since we sat down. I don't think he's fairing any better than I am.

It's a little tense in here; I shift in my seat and blow out a big breath. As if on some divine cue, Erica Hahn "heart god" enters the room—because we need more tension.

"I know this is going to sound bizarre…" she says as she sits down, "but…do you people want to get a drink with me?"

Mark scoffs: "and why would we want to do that?"

Mark is such a jerk, and Hahn looks really beat down. "She's saying she needs a friend." Idiot, I add silently. I think what we all need are the drinks.

-- -- --

It was pretty much the regular crowd at Joe's, and liquor was definitely what we needed. I can almost see the weight lifting of our collective shoulder. Mark's playing both of us, seriously, if he hits on either one of us again I might puke. He's just all full of smiles because he's having drinks with two gorgeous women.

Hahn still looks like she's got the weight of the world on her shoulders; the liquor is definitely doing it's thing now, because I am laughing at every stupid thing Mark says; Hahn smiles occasionally, but just keeps sipping on her wine. I better watch myself of Mark will end up in my pants, because his charm is really starting to glow…kind of like Hahn's hair…pretty.

--Beep—Beep

Everyone glances at their pagers; "It's mine." Hahn states; "I'll, uh…see you guys tomorrow." She's off like a bolt of lightning, must be something big.

-- -- --

I go out with Erica the next few nights, without Sloan, and you know what, Erica's amazing. It turns out our sense of humor is very similar, and we like a lot of the same things; like food, and liquor, and dancing. Which brings me to today; a day that really should have had a good nights sleep in front of it; but Erica and I never made it home. It was wild—we'd been drinking and dancing; we closed down the club, and then went out for food, and by the time we stopped talking, and realized how late it was the sun was almost up, so we had come to work. Erica had slipped away to try and nap, but I had a surgery scheduled, and couldn't be late so coffee would have to do for me.

"You're hanging out with Dr. Hahn?" Christina's question was just another thing on my already too long list.

"Erica…yeah…we went out last night and it got kinda late with the…" Yang must have been utterly bored with my answer.

"You're hanging out with Hahn?"

Seriously what's the deal? "Erica…yes."

"So you and Hahn are friends?"

I swear, Christina needs a life. "Erica…yeah." I just walked away. I know Erica gives her a hard time but, seriously; sometimes Yang deserves it.


	2. Chapter 2

Addison, Erica, and I are at Joe's…I'm paying because of Yang…I hate her. She threatened to kick me out if Hahn didn't let her scrub in, so I asked, and the gauntlet came down: "only if you buy drinks tonight", "okay". It was so stupid…I wouldn't be all screwy sitting here downing shots if not for lunch with Addison…Seriously; Erica and I, that's just crazy. We're friends, yes; best of in fact…maybe Addison's just jealous because she's been replaced. But if that is the truth, then why do I still feel all crummy, and confused.

Addison said something funny and I laugh, and suddenly Erica's hand is on my cheek. I stiffen because the light brush of her fingers sends small shock-waves through my system.

"You had a hair caught in your lip gloss."

Addison shoots me a "see I told you look".

"Any of you ladies want to dance?" Mark asks.

I don't listen to the others, I just respond because if I don't I'll have to think about what just happened: "I'll dance with you." I down my shot and grab Mark by the hand leading him to the dance floor, and shaking every thing I've got all the way there. I go right to the fun, flirty, and dirty dancing, because it's what he wants.

I can feel Addison's and Erica's eyes as the follow me…I'm totally uncomfortable…what is going on…drinking and dancing is what we do…I need to clear my head.

"Want to get out of here?" I simply ask the question, because sex with Mark has got to be better than nothing, because, I don't really have any friends left.

"More than you know."

And Mark and I are off…no looking back.

-- -- --

Okay, maybe sex with Mark is not the way to work things out in my head…because I've been staring at this chart for forever and it still doesn't make sense.

"It's because I don't have a penis" oh-god, Erica, not now; I really need to focus…I look at her and realize she's talking about the article on the bulletin board announcing that Burke won some really big award.

"I didn't even know you were being considered…"

She begins to walk towards me; it's more of a strut. She tosses her hair a bit and it catches the light…beautiful.

"I wasn't going to mention it until I won, and then I was going to be all nonchalant like awards don't really matter."

She's really playing this up, and I can't help but smile and laugh—a real genuine laugh. Maybe some how, Erica and I can bridge this gap that has come into the picture. Maybe we can still be friends.

"Now Burke's gone and ruined my whole act—you wanna meet me a Joe's tonight for drinks. We can trash talk him."

"I…um…" think of something; this still feels weird…"I have a thing."

"Hey Callie…" Mark has great timing sometimes. "I need you to talk to the nurses for me; tell them I'm a good guy." He's right behind me now, because I can smell him, and he smells 'yummy'.

"We don't think you are."

"Dr. Torres thinks I'm a good guy," He states, and to over emphasize his point grinds his hips into my back side. "Don't 'cha?"

Oh-god! This is so not right. I knew sleeping with Mark was bad…but this!

Erica just looks at me, and walks away. The look says everything, and I can hear the words in my head as if she'd actually spoken them: "Callie, come on, I know you. You're so much better than Sloan."


	3. Chapter 3

Life sucks! Mine in particular…My best friend won't talk to me, and the sex with Mark, while good is doing absolutely nothing to clear my head…

I walk into the wash room…Erica's there, so I just go about my business hoping…well…just hoping.

"So are we on for tonight?"

"I told you…I have a thing." My words hurt her; I can see if in the stony way she turns to face me.

"I don't make friends easily, I'm awkward, and…bad at small talk, and I generally don't like people I don't know but…" she pauses, thinking over how to say the right thing. It's one of the reason's I love hanging out with her. She cannot, and I meant cannot tell a little social white lie; it's just not in her. "I made friends with you, and now you have this 'thing', and that thing is Sloan."

"Are you mad at me for sleeping with Sloan?" I didn't really think, I just said something. Obviously the wrong thing because Erica was even more mad.

"I'm not mad that you're sleeping with Sloan, I'm mad that you didn't tell me you're sleeping with Sloan, I'm mad at you." That was crystal clear because Erica Hahn 'heart god' of Seattle Grace, was shaking. And I desperately wanted to remove the pain. "instead of telling me, and admitting that your one of those girls that gets all puffy when they get a boyfriend, you disappear…with your thing."

She rushes past me, but stops just short of the doors: "I don't make friends easily." And she was gone.

I stood there for a long time in the silence; berating myself for being stupid and then when I couldn't just stand there anymore I made myself a promise; never again would I make Erica Hahn feel like that, our friendship was worth too much.


	4. Chapter 3 and a half

In order to keep my promise from the wash room, I sent Mark home alone; got dressed up, just a little, and walked over to Joe'

In order to keep my promise from the wash room, I sent Mark home alone; got dressed up, just a little, and walked over to Joe's. Look, just because I said I wouldn't be there, doesn't mean she won't be. It's kind of become a 'thing'…I have a lot of those, 'things'…

Anyway; there are just certain times and places where we know we can find each other.

I walk through the doors and notice two things: a) she's alone; which is a good thing, because I have got to talk to her and… b) my heart drops into my stomach, my pulse accelerates like crazy, and my palms actually got sweaty. Seriously, I know it's medically possible but whose palms sweat?

I get to the table she's at over near the dart boards. No drink for me—this may be one of those scenarios where alcohol and the truth don't mix.

"Erica."

We just kind of look at each other; because in my head I have all the words I need to say, but my mouth just will not say them. She's still beautiful and caring, and driven—what exactly was my problem with Erica?

"Okay, I've been avoiding you, but when Addison was here, she said that…well she implied…" Why is this so difficult to say; seriously, and could I form just one complete thought here…"that we…that um…that you and I might be lesbians."

There I said it. And at first absolutely nothing happened; this has got to be the awkward silence, of all awkward silences.

Quick think of a way out of this…my mind screams…and then Erica laughed. It was short and erratic at first, but then I giggled and it became a regular old laugh-fest; just the two of us. And that became the two of us and drinks…well actually the two of us, drinks, and that pink elephant no one wants to mention.

-- -- --

The night had been a late one; Erica and I had come to a resolution of sorts…I think. We were in on a conspiracy any way. Since Sloan was attempting to turn over a new leaf, and become a good guy—we had a common enemy. Well there was always Yang, but Mark Sloan was just so much more fun to antagonize.

I'd been sitting at the lunch table when Mark came over and sat down; now if only Erica would make an appearance we could get this show on the road.

"Shove over Sloan, Torres and I are going to share a Sapphic salad."

"Did I miss something?" Mark asked as Erica sat down fairly close to me.

"Yeah…we're lovers, didn't you know?"

I mean seriously ever since Addison had been here the rumor mill had be overly active talking about Hahn and I, and occasionally Sloan; and as far as I know none of us had proved or denied a thing…this could get good.

"It's a love that dare not speak its name." Erica said, with a slight huskiness in her voice…which totally made Mark squirm. This was so fun!

"Um-hum…look me in the eye and tell me you're not thinking about a threesome."

I scooted a little closer to Erica.

"I'm not…the old Mark would, but that is no more." Mark couldn't meet our eyes; he's such a liar.

So I pushed just a little bit harder…"Really, you're not thinking about her…and me…and you…and a video camera?" Erica added her own drama by laying her head on my shoulder, as close to my breast as she could get, and nuzzled in. It was perfect! And Mark was just too uncomfortable; he put his apple in his mouth, picked up his tray, and just walked away. He looked like a stuffed pig.

Erica and I laughed…and when she drew her head off my shoulder something strange transpired…I felt the loss in my gut—kind of like being sucker punched. What was happening? One minute we're joking with Mark and the next I'm missing the closeness of Erica…No time to think—pagers go off everywhere; and that's the end of lunch.

-- -- --

I was confused…I'd propositioned Mark several times with hot sex in the on-call room and he kept turning me down; plus that feeling that I had at lunch, whatever it was, would not go away. So when I saw Mark walking down the hall I thought I'd give him one more chance…if not for sex, at least a chance to explain himself.

"Let me get this straight, if I wonder into an on-call room, you are not going to follow?"

"Do you ever wonder why you need sex all the time?" Mark's question disturbed me…my immediate response of 'hypocrite' was lost as he continued, "is it replacing something. or…"

"I use it to clear my head…" at least that's the story I keep telling myself.

"We can go in there and talk, but we are not having sex." He gestures towards the on call room, and then crosses his arms over his chest as if to say 'discussion over'; it was all just too much for me.

"Why?" I whined…"What are we gunna talk about?"

"At lunch you seemed to want to talk about threesomes…"

"You are so not a new man."

But Mark was far from done…

"I guess if you had to have a threesome Erica Hahn wouldn't be a bad choice, right? She brings that whole; we're naughty and getting sent to the principal's office thing to it…"

But that wasn't where my mind was; it was with a blond, and there was no Mark anywhere in sight…my heart began to race…

"Come on…you never thought about it…reaching across that OR table, and taking down the mask…ripping of that scrub cap, so you can get a fist full of that blonde hair…"

"Stop…Just stop talking about Erica Hahn!"

I was going to have to kill Mark Sloan, because instead of just sleeping with me, he had to talk about Erica Hahn—and gulp me. Really, what's his deal; we were teasing him at lunch, really hamming it up. I am so not in love with Erica Hahn…when did that thought come up? We were just talking about sex not love…

But the damage had been done; I couldn't think straight; and everywhere I looked I thought I saw her…and it was weirding me out…and winding me tighter and tighter.

Mark's words kept repeating over and over in my head: " pull down her mask" those lips so soft, and yet firm when she needs them to be…"ripping off that scrub cap to get a fist full of that blond hair"…it would be soft, and full, silky…it would feel so good trailing over my skin…Oh-god! Where is my head? I like having sex with penis! Come on Torres keep it together.

I glance nervously around and notice the clock on the wall says it's way later than I thought it was…just finish the charts and go home…alone!


	5. Chapter 4

Erica and I get on the same elevator to go home; It was awkward but doable, right? Then the doors opened and Mark strolled in…

"Ladies."

And I just had to go and open my big mouth…

"He's thinking about a threesome…has been all day."

Mark at first denies my claim, but then rethinks the strategy.

"Fine…I got a new leaf, not a lobotomy."

"You couldn't handle the two of us."

You go girl, Erica; get him good.

"Oh—I could…I won't but I could."

I smile and chuckle to myself. Mark has no idea who he's messing with.

"You wouldn't find it intimidating?" Erica offers back.

"Not at all."

Liar, I think to my self. But I don't get long to think, because I see Erica move out of the corner of my eye…she's coming closer…her hand is extended, and my pulse is going crazy. Erica Hahn…if you pull something and my heart just up and stops…I'm gunna kill you; we'll you can fix me first but then…

Her fingers brush against my cheek and I blush; oh-my-god! Erica Hahn is going to kiss me…and she does. She's committed there is no hesitancy, no sense of doubt at all…okay so I respond just a little…but we're only messing with Mark…right?

She pulls away, and I'm lost…just so lost; lost in her eyes; lost in my emotions; just so utterly lost.

"See too much for you."

And then she's not there, and neither is Mark, and I wonder if I am…or if the world just went and blew itself up; because seriously there is no up or down, north or south to help me navigate this 'new frontier'. Mark may have said something about an on-call room as he exited the elevator…but I honestly don't remember…and seriously how funny is that?

I can still feel her lips on mine; I still see the look in her eyes; I still feel her with me. Oh-boy—sex in the on-call room would be great right now. I am hot, ready, and have no idea what I want…other than sex…right?

Erica Hahn if you have ruined sex for me you will die…


	6. Chapter 5

I had been in the on-call room having hot, 'dirty-talk' sex with Mark, when the pager had gone off

I had been in the on-call room having hot, 'dirty-talk' sex with Mark, when the pager had gone off; Trauma! He'd left before me because; Well it takes girls a little longer to recover and come back down…if you know what I mean…

So as I was tying on my trauma smock and strolling through the doors to await the trauma; everyone was already there.

"Hey Callie" Erica said; and damn if the woman didn't look hotter today than last night in the elevator.

"Erica…" was the only response I could come up with…

"What's the matter with you?" a look of concern washed across her face…oh-Erica Hahn, you are so…trouble with a capitol T.

"Nothing."

"Well you look all hot and bothered."

Not now Mark

"uh…no, there's a trauma…and it's big…a really big trauma…"

Okay that even sounded stupid to me.

"You're actin' weird."

Thanks for noticing Dr. Baliey, now everyone just butt out of my life, for just a minute.

Sloan leans in as he brushes past me.

"She uses one finger…"

"Really…Big…Trauma!"

I squeaked as my cheeks flushed hot, and my mind goes exactly where Mark intended; to Erica and her skilled, powerful, perfect, fingers…

"Come on Torres, it's like you've never seen a really big trauma before."

Author's Note: Look I really wanted to write some scenes with 'cement boy' in them, but I just couldn't, so accept the story as is please; or write some of your own and post them…I know there are more people out there who love the idea of Callie and Erica….so be loud and proud people!


	7. Chapter 6

We'd done it…saved another human life—gave someone a chance to live and love. The 'L-Word' was on my mind a lot these days…I was hoping to run into Mark as I left so I could see about finishing, for real this time, what we'd started earlier; and as if on cue, I saw his back side through the glass doors…hmmm…nice!

"So want to finish what we started…"

But Mark was not paying attention to me, and he was biting his bottom lip, really thinking something over. I follow his eyes, looking for what has him so concerned…

To my utter horror it's a very disheveled Erica Hahn that has Mark's undivided attention; she has her big purse open on a bench under a light, shuffling through it and muttering…since when did Erica Hahn mutter, or lose her cool enough to become disheveled.

I glance back at Mark who now has a 'you did that' look on his face; and I really hate him for it…because for once he's right…well…partially. I know Yang, and Richard Webber are also partly responsible, but the majority of the reason Erica, my friend was standing outside of Seattle Grace looking like she'd been put through the ringer, twice…was because I hadn't been a very good friend lately. All this stress wouldn't have been so all consuming over drinks with someone who cares.

"Or you could finish what you started…"

Mark…God, I don't know if I can…I look up at him; his eyes are set; his mind is made up.

"I'm growing…" He finishes.

Please Mark, don't make me face this, because…I feel something I've never felt before; It's scary and exciting, and I don't know if I want scary and exciting…

"Go on…Get out of here…"

I look again at Erica, the way her hair is just a little out of place…It's kind of magical, seeing Erica look a little out of control…the bottom of her slip is peaking out from under her skirt…it's black and lacy…My heart is consumed by only one real emotion, but I refuse to give it a name.

Come on Torres, just talk to her…

"Hey; I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink?"

"I can't find my keys…"

Hey wanna mess with Yang just come home with me…We can find your keys later…no, don't put this off…look how lost she looks…

"Maybe we could…um…I had something I wanted to talk to you about…"

Yeah, like that kiss in the elevator; or the fact that Sloan keeps talking about you, and the sex actually gets better; or how about this, you're driving me crazy because I can't get you out of my head…

"I had the damn things this morning; I put them in this bag, but I can't remember…this whole thing with Yang just has me so messed up…"

"Erica!"

I, Dr. Callie Torres just had to plead with my best friend, the woman I'm totally crazy about, to get her attention.

"What?"

Quick Torres…say something before she goes back in that bag…

"I'm saying something here…"

A little harsh…

"I just wanted to say…"

To say what? I love you, I care, I'm here…love me…choose me…keep being who you are because I don't think I can live without you…

"I just wanted to say…"

Words were just words; I couldn't say a damn thing to Erica, so I used actions—to say what I could not. My hands found her face. Her cheeks were cool in my hot palms; she was ice to my fire; she was the only balm that could take away my pain…My lips found her's and for the briefest second I thought my heart would break…but she responded, she opened her mouth slightly and let me in…then her hands were on my face…I drew in a breath and opened my eyes to a new world, because Erica was looking at me, at my soul and I knew I would never be the same.

She slid her hand from my face to the base of my neck…she smiled…and I kissed her again, because to not kiss Erica Hahn in this moment would be to die…


	8. Chapter 7

I woke the next morning to a world and a person I didn't know…memories from the night before invaded this rest…I could see me

I woke the next morning to a world and a person I didn't know…memories from the night before invaded this rest…I could see me pressing my lips to Erica's a little to forcefully, but then she responded, and her hands found my face…this was amazing but I didn't know what to do now…How would the world see me now that I had kissed her? How did I see myself? What did I really want? Why had I kissed her?

I couldn't bring my self to go to work; I couldn't go there until I knew for sure who I was, or who I had become…until I knew what I should do about the fact that I was totally and undeniably in love with one Dr. Erica Hahn.

My mind wandered back to a day at the hospital where a good friend had tried to make me see the truth, and I had denied it, and worse…laughed in her face…Addison…I need you…I don't think I can find myself alone.

I packed my bag and threw it in my Jeep; one call to make first. No I can't call the hospital I need to see the Chief and tell him personally what's going on, and ask for a short leave of absence…a mental health leave…

-- -- --

I found Richard Webber in front of the surgery board…

"Chief…can I have a word?"

"Of course Dr. Torres, what can I do for you?"

"I need to take a leave of absence…I've uh….had some issues lately, and just really need some time for my ummm…mental health."

"Of course Dr. Torres, you're a model doctor…taking time off so you can continue to perform up to expectaitions…brilliant…brilliant…where will you be going?"

"California?"

"Dr. Torres, is there something I should know?"

"No Chief, nothing like that…ummm…thanks for the time off…I'll be back in a week or so."

I basically ran from the hospital…because, well just because…

-- -- --

"Addison, It's Callie…I'm on my way to L.A. so…umm…can I stay with you for like a week. I need some personal time…and a friend…Addison…If you're there pick up…"

Damn—the machine cut me off, oh-well; Addison would eventually get the message…Just keep driving Torres. Or running? Oh-god; what was Erica going to think when I don't come to work? What do I want Erica to think? Erica, Erica, Erica…Just drive Torres! Right, just drive.

-- -- --

I arrived at Addison's place really late, as in the middle of the night; I didn't want to disturb her so I just fell asleep in the jeep…

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK

"Callie Torres…Hello…Callie…can you hear me…yoo-hoo…callie"

I woke slowly, oh-man total crink in the neck…I rolled down my window.

"Hey, Addison…"

"What on earth are you doing here? And why are you sleeping in your car? Come on you can explain inside..."

"Addison…"

She stopped walking, and turned back to face me…

"You were right…"

"Come on…I'll call the Wellness Center and tell them I won't be in for a few days, barring an emergency of course…Callie?"

"You were so right…"

She was walking towards me now, she had that look on her face…her doctor look…and I deserved it…even my inner doctor said I sounded like a psycho.

"Come on Callie…let's start by getting out of the car. We can talk about who was right later…right now we just need to get you inside."

I got out of the car somehow…and Addison must of lead me into her house…the air conditioning was on… I hadn't even known I was hot…was this shock…she set a glass of water in front of me…

"Drink, then talk…start at the beginning."

I drank, too quickly, it hit my empty stomach like a rock…oh-why hadn't I ate anything?

"Okay…You were right…just so right."

"Callie, what exactly am I so right about?"

"Me…Me and…Me and Erica."

"Okay, what happened?"

"I kissed her…well, she kissed me, and then I kissed her, and then she kissed me back…and…and…"

"Slow down Callie…"

"I just don't know anything anymore…"

"Of course you do…You are still you; you just have a different perspective…"

"Different? Defiantly different!"

"Come on let's get you into bed for some real sleep, we can talk about this later…okay?"

"Okay."

-- -- --

I woke up to the smell of toast, my stomach rumbled…I got out of bed and padded toward the smell…I was a little more human feeling that the last time Addison had seen me.

"Here, eat this; then drink this juice, and then we'll talk…I'm going to call the office and check how things are going and I'll just be a couple minutes, then you will have my undivided attention okay?"

I nodded… It was really all I could manage. Addison was so understanding, and I pretty much felt like a horrible excuse for a human being…so I just kept nodding; and then I ate my toast and drank my juice…doctors orders.

-- -- --

I decided when I had finished my toast and juice, and Addison hadn't come back yet that possibly a shower could help make me even more human that the food…so I padded back to the bathroom and turned on the shower…It was amazing…and I washed the rest of the confusion away in that shower…I cried at how big an idiot I had been leaving Erica without saying anything…I'd conversed with myself until I could say 'I love you' out loud…and that's when I heard the door to the bathroom open…

"Callie…you're not drowning in here are you?"

"No, just making myself human again…"

"Well I'll be outside when your ready."

"Okay." I mumbled.

I found Addison sitting in a chair on the back deck.

"Hey."

"Well you do look better…how are you feeling?"

"I still feel like crap…but for totally different reasons than before."

"I'm here for you…if you want to talk, talk…but I will not pull teeth Callie Torres…it will mess up my nails."

I laughed and launched into the story; not skipping any gory details…Addison nodded and made appropriate responses at all the right times. This is how friendship works, you can just show up acting totally crazy, and then they utterly amaze you by understanding and waiting until you're ready…then the listen, and laugh, and cry, and feel with you…without judgment.

"So…I guess what I'm saying is you were right; about the whole thing…a long time ago."

"Callie, it's not about being right…and I think you need to talk to someone other than me. I'm just a good sounding board…but I'm not in love with you…she might be; but you won't know unless you talk to her."

"I can't just call…and say I love you…I can't just go back…there's too much…I've done too much…I've…"

"Breath Callie…."

I took some calming breaths…

"Can I just stay a couple of days…I just need some time."

"Of course…leave when you're ready."


	9. Chapter 8

Every morning Addison and I would have breakfast, and then we'd go surfing…it was amazing to be out in the ocean…just Addison and I and out boards…I'd never pictured myself as a surfer, but then again I'd never pictured Addison as one either…I guess I had a lot to learn still…

It had been almost a week, I hadn't had the nerve to call Erica…but I had asked Addison some hard questions…Questions that had nothing to do with me, and every thing to do with her…since my life was laid bare…I was going to get to the heart of how she had ended up here anyway…

She'd told me all about her and Mark, and the baby…How he'd looked at her when she'd not kept it…How that look continued to haunt Mark's eyes when he looked at her…

She still had feeling for him…sure she'd had a few flings in California, but nothing like what she had shared with Mark, and shared was the prime word…yes, Mark and I had slept together…but the way Addison talked about Mark made me want to secretly call him…and tell him all of her dirty laundry…but I wouldn't…

"Can I ask you a question Callie…You don't have to answer if you don't want to…"

"I'll answer your's if you answer mine."

"Okay…"

"Well…"

"Hold on I'm trying to phrase this right…"

I waited I knew exactly what I was going to ask her…

"Do you love her…I'm really?"

"Yes."

No hesitation, I'd made my mind up; and I had a peace about it…one of these days I'd tell Erica, but right now I was just content to be able to say it.

"I love her…I love Dr. Erica Hahn; god—it feels really good to say that. Your turn…and remember you promised."

"Okay…"

I could see the fear in her eyes…she knew what I was going to ask…

"Do you still love him?"

"Who?"

"Don't play games Addison…Do you still love Mark?"

"If I say yes what does it matter, I made a choice…"

"Addison…"

"Look, I still hold feelings for Mark, but I hurt him Callie…I hurt him, and I'm not sure it's one of those hurts that heals…I'm pretty sure he hates me…"

"Addison…In this one case…I'm pretty sure you're wrong."

-- -- --

Addison and I were sitting next to each other laughing and finding beauty in the world when I felt the distinct impression that we had spectators. Addison must have thought the same thing, because we turned at exactly the same moment. And much to my surprise and Addison's chagrin…Erica and Mark stood elbow to elbow at the back of her house. We waved at them…

"Just breathe…and try to be human Addison; they look way more nervous and out of place than we do…"

She laughed.

As they neared my heart rate increased substantially…I felt secure in knowing that if push came to shove I could tell Erica, finally, what I should have said almost a week ago, but looking at her still turned me to mush…

"Mark, Dr. Hahn; what brings you to sunny California?"

Erica couldn't stop staring at me…I smiled…she was having trouble focusing on words because I was lounging next to Addison in a bikini…and a black one at that…It's nice to know I still had some effect on her…

"Vacation…" She managed to finally get out.

Mark started talking then…but I only had eyes for Erica…she looked worn and ragged, and unsure of herself…it was heart wrenching…

"…Old Friends…"

Okay even I could tell Mark was over emphasizing the 'friends' part of that statement it made me smile; a knowing look crossed Addison's face…

"The hose is open, why don't you guys bring your stuff in, change into some…ummm…more appropriate attire and we can talk about what really brought you all the way to California over drinks on the beach."

Addison sounded condescending…but it was funny and as they walked back the way they had came I laughed…

"Oh-my-God…Addison…what are the odds? This is so funny…they actually came…no one called…no one sent word…ha,ha,ha…"

"Oh-my-God, Callie, what am I going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"About Mark..."

"Addison…we've been over this…you have feelings for the man, just be you…he already loves that…so what have you got to lose?"

"And you?"

"Did you see her? I've got the upper hand; and I'm gunna use it at just the right time…"

I would have laughed at my own joke, but Mark and Erica walked back out of Addison's house at that moment; and Erica stole my breath. Addison followed my eyes and then I heard her go silent next to me…for a short time no one moved…

"I guess we should make our guests welcome…"

"I'll get the champagne." I offered…

"I'll start a fire…"

I poured the champagne, Addison started a fire…after a week together we were like a well oiled machine…she came up next to me, as I was about to serve the drinks…she took two glasses, and I carried the remaining two…

"To friendship…" I heard Erica say as I handed her a glass…Mark may have mumbled it to…but I was so attuned to her now…that nothing else mattered.

"To more…" I heard Addison and I say.

The look of shock that crossed both their faces was priceless…if a Kodak moment really exists…this was it; I would forever remember the way Erica's face changed when she knew that I felt something…

"To more…" they echoed…and our glasses meet.

In my head the clinking of glasses lead to the meeting of lips…but time seemed to transport me momentarily.

Addison had taken my advice…her and Mark were looking cozier, and cozier…it was time to make my move…

"Erica…"

"umm…hummm…"

She was not paying attention, she was staring at Mark and Addison…was she interested in Mark…for a moment I was taken back…

"Yoo-Hoo! Earth to Erica…Is kissing you the only way I can get your attention?"

My heart feel as her head feel, but if I wasn't mistaken I had seen a blush steal across her cheeks. My hands found her chin…I needed her to look at me…to see me…to see all the love, and care that was written on my heart…but when her eyes met mine they were full of tears…Erica; crying…my heart broke…this was the one thing I was not prepared for…

"Why did you leave?"

"Erica…"

What could I say…now that she was here…all of my rehearsing meant nothing…I desperately needed to tell her…I love you Erica Hahn…it was there, just out of reach…

"Why?"

"I needed some perspective…" Stick to the truth Torres…but don't leave out the important parts… "When I kissed you…my world turned upside down…I didn't know who I was anymore…" Yeah, I proved that by my utter lack of being able to use English when I had first arrived on Addison's doorstep… "All I wanted to do was stay in that moment, because things made sense; but moments don't last forever…" If you wanted to stay so bad Torres, why'd you run? "I don't know why everything suddenly made sense…I felt whole in a way I never thought I would again…" can't you see what I'm saying Erica…please understand me…love me…come on Erica…Just stop crying okay… "you fixed me Erica, with your words of truth, and your friendship…" Oh—don't take that the wrong way… "But friendship wasn't going to be enough…not after the elevator, and defiantly not after that night when I kissed you…I had to find myself before I could…" Tell you I love you!

"Callie, stop…"

I needed to say it, and say it now!

"Erica…I have something I need to say…"

"Do I want to hear this?"

Come on Erica Hahn…have a little faith…just a little…

"Even if you don't, you have to, because if I don't say it I might explode. I'm not sure it's medically advisable to hold feelings in for too long…"

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure I love you…I've never felt this way about anyone…not even George; I loved him in my own way…but this…"

Damn-It, Erica; please hear what I'm saying…I grabbed her hand and placed it on my heart…I heald it there; I wanted her to know how fast my heart was beating just having her near. She was a heart doctor after all; this was her field of expertise…if she didn't get this I was at a loss as to what to do next…

"This is yours, if you want it…I can't promise you perfection…I am still human…I can't even promise I won't hurt you, because I already have…"

She kissed me…I didn't even get to finish my speech…oh—but this was so much better…

She pulled back…and than she said it; what I'd been waiting my entire life to hear…Because when she said it…my world shifted again…but this time I liked it…

"I love you…unless, you didn't get that from the kiss."

Oh I had gotten it alright!

"Erica…"

"What?"

I cracked a grin…

"Just remember who said it first."

She laid that perfect blond head on my shoulder, and I noticed that those hands I thought were so perfect, were laced perfectly with mine…I was looking off into the sun set when I noticed that Mark was way into Addison, and I mean the man had roaming hands…

"ummmm….I think we should leave Mark and Addison alone out here."

I felt Erica tense up, as here eyes caught sight of Mark wandering hand…which was currently wandering up Addison's thigh…

"Let's go inside; I'm tired…"

Liar…I wanted to shout…she was not tired…seeing Mark and Addison going at it gave me some wicked ideas…

"I'm not…" I glanced over at Erica…grinning from ear to ear I bent over and whispered in her ear… "and once I get you inside you won't be either."

She had me up and running for the house before I knew what hit me…and what transpired after that…well let's just say…some people get happy endings.


End file.
